Losing Motivation? The Real Trick to Staying Motivated Through Hard Goals

One of the most frequent questions I get asked is, "How do I stop losing motivation?"

We have talked before about why we lose motivation, but how do you stop that cycle from happening so you can actually stick to hard goals when they start getting really hard?

It is so common that we get into goals, we are 3 steps in or 3 weeks in, or maybe 50% of the way, and we just lose motivation. We get discouraged, overwhelmed, drained, frustrated. We are not seeing the progress, and so we end up quitting.

This is actually called the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

How the Dunning-Kruger Cycle Actually Works

When we start something new, we are excited because it is new. Our confidence is high, our motivation is high, and we think, "I can do this. I am ready. I am committed this time." They actually call this the Mount of Stupidity, because we are so excited that we are blind to the reality of what it is actually going to take.

Then the honeymoon wears off. We realize how much we do not know, how much we have to learn, how much work this is going to take. We dip into what is called the Valley of Despair. This is when we start to think, "I cannot do this. This is too hard. This is not my zone of genius. This is not my skillset."

What happens next? Most people go from the Mount of Stupidity to the Valley of Despair. They quit, come back up to find something new that excites them, and use that emotion of motivation to justify the move.

We cycle back and forth until something breaks. We burn ourselves out and believe we just cannot do it, or we stay down there in the Valley of Despair believing there is no point.

The Alternative: The Slope of Enlightenment

When we persevere, we go up what is called the Slope of Enlightenment. This is the long drudgery climb of figuring it out. Building competence. Getting highly skilled. It is work. It is effort. It is time. It is energy. It is paying our dues.

Most people will not get into this hard work. But as you do, you end up at what is called the Plateau of Sustainability. This is, "I know what I am doing. I now have the proof and the experience to know that I am good at it."

Your competence is high AND your confidence is high. But this only comes through time, experience, practice, learning, growth, skill development, and personal development.

The Valley of Despair is Actually a Crossroads

Here is what I want you to remember: the Valley of Despair is actually a crossroads. You have two options.

1. Option one: quit.
2. Option two: persevere.

Neither option is easier than the other. That is what most people do not recognize.

They think quitting and starting something new will mean something easy. It is not. You are dragging out the hardness even longer. Perseverance is going to be hard but not impossible. It may take you years, maybe even a lifetime, to really get to the level of success that you have set as your standard. But either way is going to be hard.

The Decision That Changes Everything

The root of the word "decide" means to cut off. Meaning, you are going to cut off one of these crossroads. You are either going to cut off perseverance and keep yourself in the cycle, or you are going to cut off the option to quit.

As long as quitting remains an option, the Valley of Despair is going to sneak back in. But the moment you say quitting is not an option is the moment you start climbing the slope.

Your Emotions Come From Your Needs

Negative emotions, like a lack of motivation or discouragement or frustration, are coming from a need. Generally, it is a need for progress. A need to see purpose. A need to see that what you are doing has an impact.

We meet our needs through strategies, but we also meet them through focus. Your ability to climb that slope is going to be determined by what you are focusing on.

• Are you focusing on the option to quit?
• Are you focusing on the idea that it should be easy or fun?
• Are you focusing on the fact that you are not getting the results yet?

Wherever your focus goes is what determines whether you perceive your needs as being met. When you focus on the fact that learning and growing and developing IS meeting your need for progress, you start climbing.

The Trick Is Training Your Focus

Even if you are focused on the Slope of Enlightenment, if you are focusing on the losses, the challenge, what is not working, you are going to slide down instead of climb up. The more you focus on progress, the incremental baby steps, the small wins, the more excitement you cultivate.

Like the race car driver spinning out of control: if they look at the wall, that is where they slide. If they look at the road ahead, that is where they course-correct. Look at the process, the progress, and your ultimate "why."

This is why we talk so much about training focus, cultivating emotions, and setting up systems for success. The more you train these things, the more you create them as habits. The more you break those old cycles of start and stop, excitement and discouragement, "I can do this" and "I am a complete failure."

All of this comes down to your thoughts, your beliefs, your emotions, your needs, your strategies, your habits, your environment. Setting these things up in a way that keeps your focus forward is what actually breaks the cycle.

So when you are working on a hard goal and you are losing motivation, redirect your focus. Distract yourself from the negative thoughts, the emotions, the habits that keep you in the Valley of Despair. Start cultivating the things that will train your focus to go where you want it to go.

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